i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
