gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
sarcasm needs its own font
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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