I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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