dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
