Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
