did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
