Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
