so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
