I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
