I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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