Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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