Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
