After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
