Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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