remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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