Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
