i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
