Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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