Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
