why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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