I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
