Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
