Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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