When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
