I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
