you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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