they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
