I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
