We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
