I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
