someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
