I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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