is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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