I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
