The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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