He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
