We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ladies don't puke and tell
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Never joke about your clitoris.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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