dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
