I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
