First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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