If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
