I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
