We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
