why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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