I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
