Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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