Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
