I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I faked an abortion last night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
