Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
