so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
