Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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