Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
